只想说

想起来，
原来在这个家
大家都一样
都伤痕累累……

No one was there

well, it's been a very very long time since i last wrote a blog, because i bought myself a lovely diary n start writing diary ever since..hardly gt any free time to blog..

hmmm....

in short, a lot of things happened,
but none of you were here,
but im not alone fortunately...

like a spell,
like a curse,

all of us stop contacting each other..

even a single sms seems too much and too time-consuming for us...

and that's why we're all so so apart now....

sigh...

again, life's gud,
very organised,
a room is always what i wanted,
n now with the wall "nicely" decorated and all belong to me,
haha,
i love it even more =)

will be going back to Melaka on 6th sept...

called uncle Sam this morning,
end uo whipping like a child
hate that..
wat is done is done,
so,
shit me...


hmmm...
again, life's gud,
i tried to make conversation but no one seems concern about any of wat i care...
sigh...
why like this leh....

being alone is not bad,
you know,
sometimes it's very carefree...


i've started working for 2 weeks...
easy money,
no sweat no tears,
easy job n easy　＄＄　=)

what else? i dont know....

i was wondering....
is it me or?
why does ppl never seem to trust me??

n it sucks...

but still god's nt too mean to me,
i found one that never leave,
a few that love...


im owaz mean n rude rite?
i guess...

ENCUMBER
If you are encumbered by something, it prevents you from moving freely or doing what you want.

If a place is encumbered with things, it contains so many of them that it is difficult to move freely there.

ravenous- extremely hungry

teeming with people/animals- full of them

suburban-boring and ordinary

things are looking up

marinating in- 浸泡在

chump-苯蛋

notorious-臭名昭彰

will something to happen


capitulate
If you capitulate, you stop resisting and do what someone else wants you to do.


mug
#
If someone mugs you, they attack you in order to steal your money.
#
If you say that someone is a mug, you mean that they are stupid and easily deceived by other people.

a wee bit= a little bit

“When faced with two choices. simply toss a coin. it works not because it settles the question for you, but because in that brief moment when the coin is in the air. you suddenly know what you are hoping for.”

fatuous - extremely silly

♫
♥

Case number: 20100429041853836


dell:18008803013

66VN9L1

1300884684


apple_6688@yahoo.com

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1、如果发短信息给一个人，他一直不回，不要再发了。没有这么卑微的等待。

2、如果没有人陪，学着一个人听音乐看书写点心情日记。这是个好习惯。

3、如果一个人很难过，找个角落或者在被子里哭一下，不需要别人同情可怜，哭过之后一样开心生活。

4、如果一个人开始怠慢你，请你离开他。不懂珍惜你的人不要为之不舍，更不必继续付出你的友情或爱情，到头来受伤的是自己他人不会为之难过。

5、如果可以不抽烟，别抽。如果可以不喝酒，别喝。这是不爱惜自己身体的表现，如果只因一些人，那么我们别傻了，爱你的人不会让你难过的。

6、伤心的时候找个信任的朋友诉说一下，不要一个人默默承受，这只会会更添寂寞感与忧伤。

7、不开心的时候白天看看蓝天晚上看看夜色，广阔的天空自有属于我们 爱，宁可高傲的发霉不要低调的恋爱。跟自己说我是最好的。保持一份自信。

8、宁缺毋滥。不要因为寂寞随手抓一个恋人，这对两人都不公平，而且太缺乏责任感。找个知己不要是恋人。

9、记住你喜欢的人的生日，包括你的家人，当然，还有自己。生日没有人送礼物也无所谓，你可以买精美的礼物，送给妈妈和爸爸。

10、闲下来的时候,放一段柔情音乐，翻阅几页好书，然后睡个懒觉，快哉。心情不好的时候,也可以睡一觉。

11、从现在开始，聪明一点，不要问别人想不想你？爱不爱你？若是要想你或者爱你自然会对你说，但是从你的嘴里说出来，别人会很骄傲和不在乎你。

12、不要太在意一些人太在乎一些事，顺其自然以最佳心态面对，因为这世界就是这么不公平往往在最在乎的事物面前我们最没有价值。

13、不要为了任何人任何事折磨自己。比如不吃饭、哭泣、自闭、抑郁，这些都是傻瓜才做的事。当然，偶尔傻一下有必要，人生不必时时聪明。

14、任何情况下，背后不说他人是非。如果一定要你说，说好话。多个朋友是好事，即使不是很要好的，总比因为自己说话不慎重不思考而多一个敌人好得多。

15、允许偶尔看肥皂剧，但不可成为依赖。允许偶尔披头散发，但要注重场合。允许偶尔骂脏话，但只限在老友面前或者独自一人时，记得说过后要忘掉那些让你难过的事。

16、一定要有几个异性朋友，没有非分之想.就是关键时候,帮你出出主意的好友。

17、学会承受痛苦自己调整心态。有些话，适合烂在心里，有些痛苦，适合无声无息的忘记。当经历过，你成长了，自己知道就好。很多改变，不需要你自己说，别人会看得到。

18、能不和人争吵尽量避免。一个发怒的人是很恐怖的，会因控制不了情绪变成疯子。忍耐然后思索问题的根源最后平静心态解决它 。

19、不管和谁有了矛盾和别扭，解决的时间不要超过24小时。否则麻烦会更多。在可以接受的范围内，先道歉。让自己做做坏人不是件真的坏事

Ego

The world is so full of ego. We hear ego, we talk about ego, we see ego, we experience ego, sometimes, we even bring ego to this world through us.
Well, im feeling the ego in myself frequently.
But im glad because im now able to recognize them n slowly becomimg aware of my thought instead of letting my thought to take control of me.
Sometimes, I even get shocked at myself. I saw 2 little girl on my way home this afternoon, then I saw this 2 cute and pretty 4-5-years-old girl, peeking out of one very outstanding BMW on the road.the 2 little girl is so innocent, cute and sweet, I guess. Kids like that always make me jealous,especially little girl. Looking at them remind me of what I used to have and what I don’t have anymore and what I have to go through when some other don’t.*well, just to remind, to think that BMW car as an outstanding one is already an EGO.when you look at something as superior, the same time u’re looking for to do comparison, and comparison is what ego loves.when there are superior, there must always be inferior, perhaps hiding somewhere that u cant see, or you don’t even notice that it exists.*then, when I was looking at them, my thoughts start to flow like water tap, cant be stop, that’s what often happens in my head. Those thought coursing through my head, never really pay attention to any in particular but suddenly one thought shocked me that I have to stop myself from the incessant stream of thinking. There was this scary thought that come out of nowhere, the thought is if something fall out of nowhere and hit on the 2 kids, this scene will not be the same as it was at the moment.scary isn’t it? Well, atleast I was super duper shocked by this thought.i was like, hey!where does this thought come from??? Why am I allowing such thought to even come in my mind? Well, many of you would have said that I am a demon, vicious and ugly creature.well, I have to admit that im provided that Ego has taken over me. But am I a devil? No, I am not.it’s just a very inconspicuous thought u know? I was just spacing out and I didn’t even really pay attention to what im thinking. It’s just, a kind of negative mental that im having, so now I’m working slowly to it, to live the present.to not be taken over by the Ego.

and so, yea, i'm right.vincent begins to talk.i mean he didnt really make much conservation v people but still, he talks to people now.who cares how much.haha.n all my bullies start to bear fruits.haha,like bully is the sanest thing to do.as much as i hate to say it,today was a boring day again.sigh.but,im going to attend the korean clubs for the first time!hooray! haha.hope i can meet some korean cutie there!i mean it!haha. biology class and math class is what i like,mr.chong is a very nice person, he is very patient with us,trying hard to pry our mouth or our heart open,like i have to say it again,failed again.LOL.sometimes i feel like the whole class has boarded on some kind of shuttle space and been sent to the outer space during the class.there no RESPONSE.no chatters.and of coz,no laughter.how long do i still have to bear with it?well, i guess not short=.=.math ms.adeline is doing her job VERY well,she has covered 4 math chapters so far,well,trust me,if u are that type who like to space out in class,u cant enter ms.adeline's class!i wonder why didnt she go to apply a job as pilot.she flies hell fast.and if u ever space out in the class, the next time u caught ur attention again,they will still be there, stay happily in this lovely planet,but trust me,u are the one who are in mars now! hav to run n even fly to catch up with them,because,mars is not a short distance from earth.lol.so, i had been a good girl in class,i didnt space out,and instead, i pay full attention to her,and even that, i cant get what she's teaching! gosh.but looks like the genius in class dont mind to tutor a bit.so hope that i dont fall to far behind.u know what? chemistry's mrs.pretti is scary.well, i thought we're already in college but she spent about 10 mins of one question! unbelievable.we have to adjust ourself a bit coming out from ms.adeline's class to her class.so,that was the time all of us spacing out.the honey behind even fall asleep.the class get even worse when the progress is so slow.so i prefer it to be like bio.not math please.


and i.sucks.at.self-control
i
suck!
i should be doing my homeworks,
should be doing revision,
but,
im here,
infront of my lappy,
blogging.=.=

ish.
and when sore throat healed,stupid flu came.and i feel so uncomfortable the whole day.
but that's not gonna be the excuse.fyi,im gonna stay in sch library evryday after class until 6.if not, i guess i really gonna to get my h/w n study piled up until certain level that only god could save me.see how serious it is for A level?no joke!

till then.=)

well, im a monster,but still, i wana admit that i feel good outta home =)

sore throat...

result from all these days of eating oats n biscuit, finally my throat starts to object ady...started to feel very sandy in my throat yesterday, and i thought it's just coughing, then i bought qun bui pei pa gou, who noes woke up tis morning with serious sore throat.hate it la...feel so uncomfortable the whole day...well, kept recalling what happened yesterday, but still i be3have well. everything's fine =)
im happy to be where im now =)

Ego

sometimes, the vicious ego in us try to convince us that by making ourself the pathetic and vengeful little character we become more worthy than the one lives with no resentment n rages.well, that's so wrong.couldnt be more wrong.i used to feel that way, the ego way, but all of the sudden, something came in, i was like, hey, why must i make myself into that kind of character? and the answer i gave myself is: i feel better like such,i feel like nobody is going to hurt me or look down at me if im acting like such(in general,i feel more self-worthy in that way) looks, this is how the ego works.it has works in me for a very very long time.well, a lil embarrass to admit it, but i wanna to get over this, so, gotta face it.i was blogging about a comment that i saw on facebook just now, i was devastated, writing down my feelings(to be more precise, it's my negative emotions) and crying all over the words that i spell out myself.do u see how it works? i no longer remember what the content of the facebook is anymore,all that i remember is that i was deeply hurt and offended by the comment.so all the emotions came.and u noe? i always thought that i will never smile n laugh like i ever did when i have all these downhills moment.the thing i like the most about myself,my laughter, nothing else.it was like the world is collapsing, and i really dunno what's the purpose of living,(well, until now i still havent figure out what the hell is the purpose of me living, but since im living, just carry it on! that's all), and i feel like closing my eyes, let my eyes lid fall and to never wake up again.but just a sudden slip of attention, just one glimpse on someone's facebook page, i was distracted.and now that im not overwhelmed by my own-created negative emotions, the dimension flows swiftly in.the world regains its dimension.its space.and then, i was laughing already at one of the very funny video shared on facebook. tik! then i was like, hey!why am i laughing??im supposed to be sad n depressed!" well, but i didnt answer to myself this time.i dunno what the answer is.well that's not important either.because,THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS , I FEEL GOOD NOW.well, by saying this, im not saying that i forget totally about what has happened, i do learn something from this incident, but i wont let the emotions, the ego overwhelm me and make me its prisoner.

ok...done with all those boring philosophy.now.I FEEL AT PEACE.

live life,

focus on the present.

Cooler

guys think they r cool when they dont talk much

but i think guys who r fun is cooler

DON'T

girl,

don't get disheartened.

don't get distracted.

focus

on the present.


don't get disheartened.

don't get distracted.

focus.

P.R.E.S.E.N.T

shouting...yelling...shrieking...

that's wat i feel like doing...

but nothing is physical enough for me to release it all out,

thus,

it remains trapped inside...



go....

just leave....

9.26pm

haha...got xian's msg juz now^^feel so good! i'm still studying my chemistry.she's studying her physics i think..Xian, ganbateh!!! hahaha!!! all others, ganbateh too!!! hahaha, well, i cannot be playful like i was in ndc.i have to really study hard because the scholarship demands is 70% and above for every semester, every subject.have to be really serious n study hard. chemistry is never too boring, feel good reading it^^ even it's history makes me wana to highlight it n keep it in my mind...hahaha...going to off my laptop now let it rest for another 3hours..going to download dramas after 12.30am...hooray!!! hahaha...should have some entertainment too right? hahahah...

bye=)

boring but never easy

A level's life might be boring , but never easy...we hav so many things to study, well, and we still havent get to the assignment part yet. the class alone is enough to consume all our time up.homeworks is not too hard,just too many, but still acceptable.biology class is good, tat mr.chong is not bad in his teaching. but for biology, we really have to do revision everyday after the class, if not, i guess as time pass, the things that we should memories or atleast comprehend, will mount up n we wil never be able to read it all up in last minutes.chemistry's mrs.preeti is talking slower n clearer today.or i guess we had already get used to her accent.her teaching method is more or less like what it's in the secondary school.she will keep repeating some facts, check on ur h/w, check attendance and etc.no doubt that she's very serious about her class, no absenteeism, no handphone, and h/w must be done.but the different is she never scold when ppl didnt complete her h/w like what those teacher do in secondary sch.she will just tease.i guess because we never pay to study in sec and now we're the boss because we paid to enter the class n study.haha!math's lecturer is very cool, quite stern to me.boring in her class but math keeps u busy so no one noticed that.our class is still so damn boring.arghhhh.dying in that class.ppl in A level are all quite.....(it's rude, but it's true)nerdy =( ewhhh...see? nothing much for today.
that's all.
ar! guess wat? i didnt pay for my fried bee hoon today.bought it from the stall outside our campus,well, i should say that i take it from there today,but goin to pay back 2mlw.ishhhh...haiz....

still, i like my life now.freedom.


it's great.

8pm

phew! just done my bio revision and chemistry note.well, hav to pre-read biology for tomorrow's class, if not i wont be able to catch what mr.chong is teaching again.luckily, chemistry is not so difficult, bio is the only one which need to do revision after class.math wont be too hard they say, hope so.hmmmmm....hungry, haha, waiting for jhi lien to pack food for me.hooray! today is curry mee! haha...throw away all the negativity, im alive, im living my life, working hard in evrything, move on move on!! ganbateh!!! is looking for a job now, $$ is still on top of the list,ganbateh!!!! hahahahahahhahaha....

i guess u just cant stop urself

why do u hav to mess up evrything like this?? do u hav any idea that those are ur kids?? are u even aware that people are leaving u behind one by one?? why cant u just wake up and look at what u've done to urself?? why?? do u hav to be like this?? i want to be free of all those negative.i dont want to be in it, i dont care, as long as i call them aunty or uncle, i love them.i dont need clarification and reasons and the what so called truth.im born in this bloody family and i learn to love everyone, who cares if they dont,in return? i dun need complication, i dun need these stupid conflicts,this is not even an issue to me.can u try to understand??? please, leave me alone!!! i have no one to tell, because i dont want them to hate u even more.so can u try to be more considerate and have a less tangled mind and stop driving them apart from each other!!?? they are ur children!!!


well, atleast i've proven that coming to kl is a wise choice.


p/s : stop poisoning everyone around u.just stop

2.14pm

phew! rainy day! used to like rainy days in Melaka but rainy days in cheras will cause me a lot of inconvenience.well,i wana to go to the biggest pasar malam in malaysia today!!! stop raining please=) today's class was tough, biology is scary, i cant quite follow what mr.chong is teaching, and i have to read all over again after blogging because i guess i only understand 60% of today's biology class.chemistry is much more easier, mrs.preeti is still with the strong accent that made us furrow while listening to her.well, she said we can stop her if we cant get used to her strong accent but i wonder what's the difference?if we stop u, u will still repeat to us with the same incomprehensive strong accent.that guy in our class pay no attention to her obviously, hmmm, i think his name is zihan ,not sure.i was doubting if the mrs.preeti will tease him or what since she seems very serious to her class, but she didnt seems to notice that.when mrs.preeti finished her theory part, we all moved to do the hand-out that she distributed to us yesterday.surprisingly, that guy said he did all that exercise while mrs.preeti jus happen to pass by his place and saw his paper fully written.i guess mrs.preeti is gonna to like him.i think his chemistry is quite good because he didnt pay attention to chemistry class like he did in biology or math class.E hui is my classsmate, a new fren.she sat beside me during chemistry class.lolz.our class is all so quiet and shy.khoo is the only one who is always taking the initiative, she volunteered to become the class rep.quite brave isnt? hope the class rep wont burden her too much,mrs.preetu says nothing very much have to do by class rep.the ampang guy is so quiet.the 2 iraq girl is so pretty that i cant stop looking at them.hopes that they didnt realize that.but one of them looks too old to be in our class, a class full of 18.i think she's about 30.there are a lot indian girls in our class,but there is no prob between everyone, since none of us talk much to each other.mr.chong is trying his attempt to warm us up but still,failed.hopes that he will be successful one day, the class is so boring=.=.jhi lien is in great pain this morning when i woke up.pity girl, i think she never sleep well the whole night and was just waiting for me to wake up and help her to take her medicine,because she asked for my help once she know that im awake.she cant even move on the bed,it makes me worry.her situation is more or less like shian's case i think.but still she went for her 11am's class.washed my clothes today but it rains! haha...nvm, i can hang it inside my room first.take a nap for awhile just now, hmmmm, i guess now i hav to move to my biology textbook ady.
p/s: didnt have my lunch today^^ is waiting to go to pasar malam!

going to bury myself in biology books.bye=)

Fuck off

i say fuck off!!! i cay fuck off!!! stop telling me craps!!! stop it!!! i dont hav to know all that u wan me to know!!! can u leave me alone??? can u cut me some slack???? so what????!!! i enjoy assuming everyone in this world as the angel!!! i dont care if they dont love me with that sincerity...i dont care if they hate me behind me...i dont care!!! i wana them to be angels!!!in my world atleast...can u try to understand??? i dont care!!! i wan a simple life, stop poisoning me with all those negative thoughts!!!i dont need any of that!!!! i juz wan to study hard n earn myself a life!!! is that bothering u??? why cant u just stop it???!!!! pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! see, i said n i meant it, i dont wan to hate anyone, please dont make me hate you, im not suppose to hate youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!im not!!! back off, wait there, let me earn my life n i wil be back to pay u back...juz wait there, please, stop poisoning me!!!!

class is really heavy for the first day.well, math lecturer looks like pn.low yoke har,but she's more sporting and i hope she will not be my nightmare.i heard that she's good, i hope so, because my math is really poor...i dont think i did follow the class perfectly today, left behind for like 2 or 3 times, again, math is killing me, math is all destroyed by Ah Pang.chemistry class should be the best subject, but it wasnt , because i guess biology is the best for today, the mr.chong is quite cute, and i think he is quite considerate, and for some reasons, i think he is closer to us.i guess i will know that reasons soon.chemistry lect is quite strict and the way she talks is kinda disastrous for all of us in the class, her slang and her pronunciation is so weird...we were all straining our ears to comprehend what she's talking about, honestly, to understand what she's saying, sometimes analysis is needed...haha...like atomic mass, artermic mars was what she pronounced,and i figured this will gonna be the way she talk for the whole course.so better start to adapt to it now.biology mr.chong asked us to write our name n put it infront of our table, like a name tag in office, and he enjoy calling our names.he's the only one who asked for introduction, and he really paid attention and was passionate in knowing us, that what i think.then, we dismissed earlier than 3.30pm because we all dont have our textbook and he cant teach.then i went to the photocopy shop with my classmate.so crowded lol.i waited outside for quite awhile, thanks to jhi lien, i dont have to spend too much on the textbook, can really save a lot.then i walled out the campus with my classmate ee hui, bought a rm1.5 yee mee goreng, then walked home while blasting in gaga's bad romance.weird, i craved rocks song so much after today's class.then i did some revision on bio, slept til 8pm, go for dinner with jhi lien, answered a bloody call, and then writing my blog.
that's all for tonight.
p/s: my house is full of colgate supporter. im one of the only two using darlie =)
haha! feel better after writing. cheers and be passionate for everything that's coming.
argh! before i forget, there's no korean in my class!!! arghhhh, im sad...=(....

FIRST DAY

well, first day in college, again, as always, i have to rush to reach school on time.i guess i dont have to tell u why do i have to rush, u will know it if u get the permission to read this blog.went to see my counselor first when i reach the school campus.too bad, she on leave, she went to pulau redang=.=how unfortunate, well, i wana to call her but it was so early that i guess she will get pissed off so i gave up the thought of calling her early in the morning on her HOLIDAY.then, i have to brave my to go to the cashier counter to ask if i can pay my fee excluded my tuition fee until my scholarship is approved.i met a quite nice woman, she say yes n i paid my fee.i figured that some officer doesnt like to speak in english especially to chinese so i speak in chinese the second time i had to ask her about my student account.how smart im,haha!the orientation starts with speeches.lotsa speeches by a bunch of people.and at last they ask, why do u guys look so sad? well, is that a question to ask? we're all so boring!!!haha.then the salsa group take over the orientation, they had us played lame game too=.= but our group didnt play as other did because my facis decided that it was very lame too.haha!met a few people there, just talk a little bit and then we had our lunch there, nothing special, boring instead.well, this is indeed a great news!!!THERE IS A BUNCH OF KOREAN IN A LEVEL!!!THERE ARE A BUNCH OF KOREAN IN A LEVEL!!! koreans are cute! guys n girls all.but i think they look a lil more mature than us, i guess they're not of the same age with us.and we have 2 nigerians in our course.they are definitely older than us, no doubt.and they are a bit like living in their own world.they look fierce, sometimes i can see unwillingness on their faces, esp when the facis ask all of us to sit on the floor when waiting for others to get their acceptance letters,the nigerian girl expression make me doubt that she is despising the childishness of those facis.but they are just trying to bring out the happy and energetic atmosphere around.but still, the game is lame, however, i cant think of something less lame to do in orientation, orientation is always so lame isn't it?i used to thought our secondary school's was the lamest but now i don't.pre-u's is lamer=.=haha! and then we all go to the computer lab to do our online course selection, too bad i cant do it immediately.ish, did i mention that i was the only one wearing ucsi's t-shirt in the orientation?? ish, i look so stupid!! haha, but nvm la, stupid is good, anyway, im ady used to be paiseh...haha! that's all for today, unexpectedly boring first day of college.
p/s: why do class hav to commence tomorrow??? why cant just let me to rest for one more day!?? ish>.<
going to have dinner with Joyce later^^ it will be great! i miss her a lot!!
my roomate is a nice girl^^

1 litre of tears...

well, this is indeed a splendid piece work...those who participate in bringing this drama to the public will surely be blessed. as one of them who watched this drama from the very beginning until the end, i can tell how this drama can inspire people and make us cherish life more than we do...i cried a lot while watching this drama, periodically, my heart aches from watching how Aya suffered internally...the part that stunned me the most n broke my heart is that when Aya found herself no longer able to speak fluently...this is so terrible! i cant imagine how am i going to live if i cant even tell people what i intended to convey,even to her Asou-kun,the very important people in her life! i'm not sure is this just a short-term booster like it always is or this impact will last forever in my heart...but i wana to keep this pain forever in my heart, to always remind myself to live on, not to give up...it's ok to grief,but we should always know where the limit is, and stop crying, stand up on our feet again and continue with our journey...hmmmmm...i was thinking about this, when even i myself don't think that there is anything in me or on me that make me attracting, why are there people out there who appreciate me like i'm something precious,like im of all good...i really don't know what is that that they saw in me, for some unknown reason, im afraid of those fondness that they show towards me...i don't know why, i just simply cant take that...i feel so sorry to them, i hope i can slowly learn to treasure the kindness of others..still learning...all of sudden, after watching the drama, i was thinking mayb, life is not just about earning money,perhaps, i will get bored of my job one day, well mayb, there are jobs that make me feel alive all of my life, that make me feel worthy of living, that which can help others too...hmmmm, im really gonna to think carefully about this....

memorial day

went to Cheras UCSI to register on 17th of June,fetch by Eddie and i went in alone to do the whole registration.well, it was a happy trip though! went to eat cheese crab v Billy and Eddie..haha!! well, it's great, even though we didnt talk much, but it's still great to hav 2 brother eating crab v you...the crab is a lot cheaper than wat i expected, cost only rm76 for 3 of us to finish 1'5kilo of crab, a vege, tofu and a dunno wat meat...it's very nice!! then, Billy headed home alone after he drop us at Aman Puri..hmm, i wonder how can he owaz talk in such a mesmerizing way..it's not that it's unnatural nor disgusting,im juz puzzled wat on earth has get into him for him to become such a gentle(to be honest,irresistable**)guy???hmmm, i hav no idea...to hav a cousin like this is kinda proud..wakaka!!Eddie Tay is so childish..hahaha...but still gud that his childish enlightened most of our time....his driving skill is superb but he was so childish=.=...but i guess he did all that juz to entertain me...i still feel gud,though the way he drive(while i was in the car v him) is kinda wrong to me...haha,yet i feel gud(but im really freaked out, on the highway)sticking v Eddie whilst he work aint at all tedious..i meet different kind of people just by staying beside him..well, there's a guy driving a car n from the "language" he was using while he talked, i guess he earn atleast hundreds thousand a month...i've to admit tat when i first saw his car, i was kinda interested in meeting his owner..starting to imagine wat a guy will be driving such a car...n i still kept a good impression towards him when i first saw him...however,after spending about 2 hrs v this guy,(actually didnt really spend the time v his, is by his side，all i did is watch n watch n watch him) i dun hold any good feeling towards him anymore...i duno how can i describe the obnoxious pattern of him that make me dislike him...well, money is not everything, i think respect is more of wat i wan...n i saw some foreign worker today..i pity them when i saw that they r not given the adequet respect that they deserved...i shall owaz remind myself that no matter wat i become one day, i must still hold respect towards people from all level...every human should be respected unless they gave up the chance to be respected at first...realised that i've wasted 6 months doin nothing, i've decided to make up for the past 6 months in the next few months n do my best to attain excellent result in Ucsi....i should never disappoint those who love n support me so much...im really grateful to Eddie..but he's so mischevious that i cant be serious to him for even a second...i wonder if he know how grateful im ,since all i said was a super normal n heartless-sounded "thanks"...haha, it's his fault right? hahaha, anyway, i guess i will tell him one day, i mean that im goin to do it formally n whole-heartedly this time...
p/s:you missed the day i first register in College，i hope atleast i receive a call from u on my first day of college..i dont need money! care n love from you is enough for me....
anyway, i wont let myself to depend to much on anybody anymore, not even thinking of...i wana to be independent, i wana to be tough, rough, that i can sustain my own life without causing trouble for others....time's gonna prove it...

Hey!!! be really tough n rough!!! HAVE FAITH

since when did we fall so apart???

well,
i hate it so much when we no longer have topic to talk on...
we dun even have things to gossip...
i feel so unsecured...
we're falling apart...
further and further...
who did this to us???
i wan so much to be in your life...
i wan so much to be a part of your life...
i wan so much to talk to u like we used to...
since when??
i guess,
we'll never be like same anymore right??
im sad,
am disappointed....
can you just pay a lil more attention to me??
well,
i guess im no longer the lil sis that u girls love n care of...
but i wan to be cared...
well,
let bygone be bygone huh??
i do care, but i guess u dun anymore...

离家

终于，
可以离开了。
终于，
可以离家了。
终于，
可以开始生活了。

可以狠心的离开，
可以头也不回的，
可以不再回来。

只是想，
离开这里。
离开这间家，
离开那个噩梦，
离开过去，
走向我的未来。

这里的一切都不重要了，
走了，
就不会再想回来，
就算再回来，
也是为了再离开。

站在这里，
一切都太靠近了，
太熟悉了，
熟悉的痛苦，
熟悉的掉眼泪，
熟悉的害怕，
熟悉的烦恼，
熟悉的一切，
不想再记得了，
要忘了，
都撇下，
然后离开。

期待，
有一天，
带着陌生的心，
双眼望着陌生的这个地方，
一切都不再熟悉，
所有的所有，
都只剩下陌生，
那个时候，
我都忘了，
都放下了，
不再因为这个地方而痛苦，
不再流泪，
终于，
笑了。

不会再有想让我远离的地方了，
不会再有，
绝对不允许，
只有这个地方，
不会再有下一个了。

有一天
当我不再想逃离这个地方，
那个时候，
我想，
我已经离开了。永远都回不去的离开了。


我恨，
很得不能自己，
恨得
非得要放下才能生存。

所以，
为了活下来，
我不想再恨了。

心，很不舒服

曾经觉得，
在未经别人同意之前，
自以为是地同情别人，
是最不礼貌的事。

可是今天，
不懂为什么，
那种觉得别人很可怜，
自己心里很难受的感觉，
特别强。

看着６Ｊ毫不犹豫地用手在轮胎上来回摩擦，
受上没有手套，什么也没穿，
就是一双手，
一双辛苦了大半辈子，
努力地让孩子老婆过得更好的手，
一双早就不是我们能理解的手。

脸上尽是疲惫，
是工作让他累了吗？
我不敢肯定……

一个爸爸，
尽全力地，
让孩子过更好，
让仪家人更舒适，
为什么，为什么做孩子的，
可以完全无动于衷？！

是世界变了吗？
为什么我觉得人性越来越不可理喻了？？
为什么我怎么想也想不明白？？

就这样，
我觉得，
超不舒服的！！！

常常说，
人要懂得知足，
这样才会快乐……
可是有的时候，
就是忍不住想要埋怨，
忍不住会开始同情泛滥……

我承认，
看见同学驾着妈妈的mercedes，
我想也没想，
就想开溜……
对，
虚荣心又再作祟了。
什么时候，
才能学会？？
什么时候才会明白？

同情心泛滥最恶心了～
为什么要随便同情别人？？
你怎么知道别人过得不好？？
可能别人过得很知足，很开心！

不准再随便同情>.<

不准再这么虚荣>.<