1 litre of tears...

well, this is indeed a splendid piece work...those who participate in bringing this drama to the public will surely be blessed. as one of them who watched this drama from the very beginning until the end, i can tell how this drama can inspire people and make us cherish life more than we do...i cried a lot while watching this drama, periodically, my heart aches from watching how Aya suffered internally...the part that stunned me the most n broke my heart is that when Aya found herself no longer able to speak fluently...this is so terrible! i cant imagine how am i going to live if i cant even tell people what i intended to convey,even to her Asou-kun,the very important people in her life! i'm not sure is this just a short-term booster like it always is or this impact will last forever in my heart...but i wana to keep this pain forever in my heart, to always remind myself to live on, not to give up...it's ok to grief,but we should always know where the limit is, and stop crying, stand up on our feet again and continue with our journey...hmmmmm...i was thinking about this, when even i myself don't think that there is anything in me or on me that make me attracting, why are there people out there who appreciate me like i'm something precious,like im of all good...i really don't know what is that that they saw in me, for some unknown reason, im afraid of those fondness that they show towards me...i don't know why, i just simply cant take that...i feel so sorry to them, i hope i can slowly learn to treasure the kindness of others..still learning...all of sudden, after watching the drama, i was thinking mayb, life is not just about earning money,perhaps, i will get bored of my job one day, well mayb, there are jobs that make me feel alive all of my life, that make me feel worthy of living, that which can help others too...hmmmm, im really gonna to think carefully about this....

memorial day

went to Cheras UCSI to register on 17th of June,fetch by Eddie and i went in alone to do the whole registration.well, it was a happy trip though! went to eat cheese crab v Billy and Eddie..haha!! well, it's great, even though we didnt talk much, but it's still great to hav 2 brother eating crab v you...the crab is a lot cheaper than wat i expected, cost only rm76 for 3 of us to finish 1'5kilo of crab, a vege, tofu and a dunno wat meat...it's very nice!! then, Billy headed home alone after he drop us at Aman Puri..hmm, i wonder how can he owaz talk in such a mesmerizing way..it's not that it's unnatural nor disgusting,im juz puzzled wat on earth has get into him for him to become such a gentle(to be honest,irresistable**)guy???hmmm, i hav no idea...to hav a cousin like this is kinda proud..wakaka!!Eddie Tay is so childish..hahaha...but still gud that his childish enlightened most of our time....his driving skill is superb but he was so childish=.=...but i guess he did all that juz to entertain me...i still feel gud,though the way he drive(while i was in the car v him) is kinda wrong to me...haha,yet i feel gud(but im really freaked out, on the highway)sticking v Eddie whilst he work aint at all tedious..i meet different kind of people just by staying beside him..well, there's a guy driving a car n from the "language" he was using while he talked, i guess he earn atleast hundreds thousand a month...i've to admit tat when i first saw his car, i was kinda interested in meeting his owner..starting to imagine wat a guy will be driving such a car...n i still kept a good impression towards him when i first saw him...however,after spending about 2 hrs v this guy,(actually didnt really spend the time v his, is by his side，all i did is watch n watch n watch him) i dun hold any good feeling towards him anymore...i duno how can i describe the obnoxious pattern of him that make me dislike him...well, money is not everything, i think respect is more of wat i wan...n i saw some foreign worker today..i pity them when i saw that they r not given the adequet respect that they deserved...i shall owaz remind myself that no matter wat i become one day, i must still hold respect towards people from all level...every human should be respected unless they gave up the chance to be respected at first...realised that i've wasted 6 months doin nothing, i've decided to make up for the past 6 months in the next few months n do my best to attain excellent result in Ucsi....i should never disappoint those who love n support me so much...im really grateful to Eddie..but he's so mischevious that i cant be serious to him for even a second...i wonder if he know how grateful im ,since all i said was a super normal n heartless-sounded "thanks"...haha, it's his fault right? hahaha, anyway, i guess i will tell him one day, i mean that im goin to do it formally n whole-heartedly this time...
p/s:you missed the day i first register in College，i hope atleast i receive a call from u on my first day of college..i dont need money! care n love from you is enough for me....
anyway, i wont let myself to depend to much on anybody anymore, not even thinking of...i wana to be independent, i wana to be tough, rough, that i can sustain my own life without causing trouble for others....time's gonna prove it...

Hey!!! be really tough n rough!!! HAVE FAITH

since when did we fall so apart???

well,
i hate it so much when we no longer have topic to talk on...
we dun even have things to gossip...
i feel so unsecured...
we're falling apart...
further and further...
who did this to us???
i wan so much to be in your life...
i wan so much to be a part of your life...
i wan so much to talk to u like we used to...
since when??
i guess,
we'll never be like same anymore right??
im sad,
am disappointed....
can you just pay a lil more attention to me??
well,
i guess im no longer the lil sis that u girls love n care of...
but i wan to be cared...
well,
let bygone be bygone huh??
i do care, but i guess u dun anymore...

离家

终于，
可以离开了。
终于，
可以离家了。
终于，
可以开始生活了。

可以狠心的离开，
可以头也不回的，
可以不再回来。

只是想，
离开这里。
离开这间家，
离开那个噩梦，
离开过去，
走向我的未来。

这里的一切都不重要了，
走了，
就不会再想回来，
就算再回来，
也是为了再离开。

站在这里，
一切都太靠近了，
太熟悉了，
熟悉的痛苦，
熟悉的掉眼泪，
熟悉的害怕，
熟悉的烦恼，
熟悉的一切，
不想再记得了，
要忘了，
都撇下，
然后离开。

期待，
有一天，
带着陌生的心，
双眼望着陌生的这个地方，
一切都不再熟悉，
所有的所有，
都只剩下陌生，
那个时候，
我都忘了，
都放下了，
不再因为这个地方而痛苦，
不再流泪，
终于，
笑了。

不会再有想让我远离的地方了，
不会再有，
绝对不允许，
只有这个地方，
不会再有下一个了。

有一天
当我不再想逃离这个地方，
那个时候，
我想，
我已经离开了。永远都回不去的离开了。


我恨，
很得不能自己，
恨得
非得要放下才能生存。

所以，
为了活下来，
我不想再恨了。